why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
