I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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