If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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