if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
