thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
