Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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