Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
