You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
