After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
