mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
