I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I will be naked everywhere
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
