East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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