I hate your face
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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