But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
My ATM looks so different sober.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
