i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
