i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
