I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
they need to just BURY HIM!
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I didn't notice because vodka
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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