there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
