did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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