Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
