Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
The struggles of a small town man whore
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
