i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
