Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
