Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
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