Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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