Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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