He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
