based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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