By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
