If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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