and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
