A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
