peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
just tell him i said nine months
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
