Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
