The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
