people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
