If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
