Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
