After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
