what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
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