i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
