god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
