We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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