I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
