just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
