I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
