my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
