i jhust puked up my retainher.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
