Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Princesses don't give blow jobs
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
