Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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