i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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