so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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