So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
