I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
At least life still wants to fuck me.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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