I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
