apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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