Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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